How many of us have been quoted the mantra “No pain, no gain!” at some point during our lives? On athletic fields and in classrooms, we are taught from a young age that hard work, even to the point of pain, will always be rewarded, and that if we consistently push ourselves, we will become wiser, stronger, and more successful people. It is no surprise then that so many of us flock to yoga class hoping to ease some of the stress caused by this mentality. But how many of us really set aside the “No pain, no gain” philosophy when we step onto our yoga mats?

In her book, "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times," Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön discusses the concept of maitri, or the “developing of loving-kindness and unconditional friendship with ourselves.” In yoga, maitri helps keep the practice safe, loving, and true to our individual needs. It helps us avoid injury by caring for rather than overexerting our bodies, and it shifts the practice away from competition into the realm of honest self-exploration.

Though befriending ourselves seems on the surface like a simple enough act, truly loving ourselves can be one of the most difficult challenges in the world. Yoga can help us face this challenge through both asana and meditation if we let our practice be guided by maitri. If we can let loving-kindness towards ourselves be the foundation upon which we build our yoga practice, we are destined to lead fuller, healthier, and happier lives both on and off the yoga mat.

For example, say we sit down to meditate, and our mind starts to wander. If we scold ourselves harshly for not being more focused, we are not treating ourselves with fairness or kindness, and our mind strays even further from a meditative state. Rather, if we can observe how our mind has wandered and lovingly bring it back to a point of focus, we can both learn something about the nature of our mind as well reach a deeper state of meditation.

The same concept also applies in terms of asana practice. Often, it is easier to push ourselves as far as we can possibly go into postures than it is to evaluate honestly where we really are in our practice. We yogis and yoginis are notorious for injuring ourselves after that extra deep stretch or that final vinyasa when our bodies have already had enough. In this instance, our drive to work harder and be the absolute best at each asana quite literally leads to pain and absolutely no gain.

If, however, we can be kind to ourselves on the yoga mat, kindness becomes easier in every aspect of life. We begin to see what is good for us in the long run and can differentiate between what ultimately helps us and what hurts us. Every moment of yoga is an opportunity for us to let maitri into our lives, so let us allow love to replace pain in our schoolyard mantra as we shout for all to hear, "Lots of love, lots of gain!"